We all come into this world needing a secure attachment to survive. This is how we are made. We are taught that as adults we should be independent and that to need someone else is a sign of weakness, but this ignores our basic needs. When that primal need for attachment feels threatened or we perceive that we are in danger of being abandonment, it sets off a panic button in the fear center of our brain called the amygdala, which usually results in the type of behavior that insures that we will not get our needs met. This often sets off a chain reaction threatening to destroy the connection that you have.
Therapy can be very helpful to understand how those earlier relationships may influence our current relationship patterns and learn how to identify your needs and express them appropriately in those moments of distress. Couples therapy will provide you with the opportunity to find out what emotions you are each experiencing underneath the surface superficial arguments that you may have. You can learn how to really understand your needs and feelings and communicate them effectively. You will have the chance to learn how to really listen and empathize with your partner by detaching enough to accurately understand his or her experience without taking things personally. Through couple’s therapy you can learn how to work together as a team to stop destructive cycles and find new ways of relating and interacting. Sometimes couples need help to balance togetherness and separateness so that each partner can maintain their sense of self within the relationship. Couples therapy can teach you how to be the best partner you can be while connecting in a more authentic way to yourself.
My couple’s therapy style is interactive and collaborative. My intention is to give you a safe place to heal, gain insight into yourselves and each other and develop new effective skills to help you respond rather than react and work together to strengthen and enhance your relationship. I use a variety of techniques with my couples that may include EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and Psychodynamic therapy.
EFT therapy involves an exploration of the emotional experience within and between each partner in the relationship with the therapist working as a choreographer to help to restructure the patterns of interaction.
CBT therapy focuses on the role of core beliefs and automatic thought patterns on the emotions and experience of each partner in the relationship.
Psychodynamic therapy explores early childhood relationship experiences and how they play out in the current relationship.
Please call me to schedule an initial no fee consultation at (415) 407-5964. I look forward to speaking to you.